I always hear from friends about those - New Year resolutions... Did you make any? Was it to eat healthier, lose some pounds, or maybe go to a gym at least once a week? To finish that stack of papers that pile up next to a bedstand? To not waste time on internet?
Everyone around me seem to be making some sort of promise to themselves. And year after year I feel excluded from this fellowship of self-motivators. The thing is, I do not really make resolutions, New Year-bound or otherwise. To me, any decision I make about my future is generally enough to stick with it. Like one wise green creature said once "Do or not do. There is no try."
My friend always accuses me that it's because I never give up much, so it's relatively easy. She's probably right. One day, about fifteen years ago I realized that eating chocolate gives me pimples. From then I stopped eating chocolate (and chocolate cakes and cookies with chocolate). And don't get me wrong, I love chocolate, I still do. But I find it easy to say "no" to a delicious piece in front of me, because I know, it's for my own good. Once in a while - maybe once in a few months, - I'll eat a piece. And I never feel guilty about it. I'm not breaking an oath to myself. I am allowing myself a small treat at the expense of my looks.
Same with coffee. It's not good for my stomach - hence for almost two years I make do with tea in the morning. While my husband and even my son now that he is in high school and needs caffeine to wake up on some mornings, indulge in their deliciously smelling cups... I don't feel deprived and I do not pat myself on a back for this sort of abstinence. Maybe food is easy. A while back I realized I do not walk enough, I got too used to a car. So, just like that, one day I decided to park on a far parking lot so I spend 15 minutes walking to work every day. Not much of a sacrifice, but it was hard a few weeks to battle myself when the nearest parking lot was almost empty and the idea of getting to work earlier was somewhat irresistible. Now I feel it's a habit already and it's easy.
However, the longer I think of it, everything will be easy if you decide it with due finality. Not as a bet, not as something you start "next Monday".
So. No New Year resolutions for me. Not before, not this year, not ever. But I think it's a high time for me to sit down and write that blasted book I've been mulling over for seven years now. Life is short to waste it on doubts and self-pity.
It's time to quit the job that's way beneath me, which means I'll have to organize my notebook and file away all clones and constructs I've made.
It's also time to get back in shape and use a treadmill that's getting covered with dust in my garage.
And when I think about it, it is time to start with a book-reviewing project I've always wanted to do. I read at least 3 books a week. Often, more than five. Some I like, some are terrible. But when people ask me what I was reading, I can rarely remember half a dozen. So from today onward, it's time to write down at least in a few sentences, what I lose my life on.
No promises. I'll just start doing it - and not tomorrow, but today. Right now.
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